just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
two words: eviction party
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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