I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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