If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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