i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can you bring me the toilet please
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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