The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
