Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
