And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
