I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
