Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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