if you like me you must not know who I am
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
