Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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