you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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