people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
