You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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