i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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