So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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