So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
