theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
