Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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