Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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