Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
