Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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