I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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