I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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