yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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