All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
