dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
