Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
