Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
