Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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