she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My balls are so social today.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
