i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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