Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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