Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
