As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
