My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
