On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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