We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
