I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
