I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
