I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
