Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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