Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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