I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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