also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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