his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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