You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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