The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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