maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
