so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
