It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
