I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
