sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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