I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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