U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
