we're chasing vodka with high fives
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
