I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
