i already hear my dad disowning me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
