From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
