No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize
