Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
