I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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