a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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