The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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