i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
