Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
