Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am one with the molecules
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
