very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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